Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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