Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
