We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
