Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
