A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
