ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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