i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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