I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
