I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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