So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
