from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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