can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
