I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
