i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize