im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you would pick up someone in the library
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
True strength comes from lack of pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
