Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
