I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
