can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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