Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
