There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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