You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize