stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
