Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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