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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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