Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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