dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
