Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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