Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
