He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
