It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My life is pants optional.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
