he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Bring me that man meat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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