This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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