this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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