i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
