i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
this just has baby written all over it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
