Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
