Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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