so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't turn off my feet"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
