get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He kissed a someone with a penis
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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