My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
