i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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