I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize