home. puking in laundry basket.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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