my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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