Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
