I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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