seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
