I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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