Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
