So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
