I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
