my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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