coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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