You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
