Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
