epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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