I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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