Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
