It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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