How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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